Be in the conversation

Sometimes when you write, you have no idea if the person you are directing your thoughts at will ever read them.  But, when God puts thoughts on your heart, I believe it is well worth recording them, because he has a great way of directing people to the right place at the right time.  Even within this Ministry, we have had people contact us for support, who cannot even tell us how they stumbled across our website.  But God!

Transformed Ministries run a number of Bible studies and prayer groups made-up of parents of children who were brought up in church, but who are now actively involved in the LGBTQ+ community, having actively rejected their faith.  I was once one of those children so some of the stories I hear from parents truly tug at my heartstrings as I realise that my parents were once in their position.  I now recognise that I broke my Mom’s heart; not because of my sexual identity, but because by adopting that identity I distanced myself from her.  Through finding a new community, who actively embraced me as a lesbian, I somehow felt it OK to reject my family.  I stopped coming home so often, I would make alternative arrangements for Christmas and holidays and in the early years had very little contact, although that did change as I matured.  I deceived myself into thinking that they would reject me because of my sexual orientation, when in reality I didn't want to face up to the fact that they would naturally have questions and want to understand me better.  It was easier to shut them down and put the blame on them, than to face up to the fact that the path I was following was not what they had wanted for me.  Now I recognise that it’s good to talk, they simply wanted an opportunity to love me and be part of my life.

Today I listen to parents who are going through the same thing (many going through worse with no contact whatsoever from their children,) and I feel their pain.  They are hurting, they are grieving the loss of their child.  Yet that child is alive and well, simply having chosen to step away from the family.  

My message today is quite simple and aimed at members of the LGBTQ+ community who come from Christian homes.  Whatever the reason you may have cut off your family, please consider the bewilderment and questions of parents who simply need to try and understand, and your siblings who have lost the chance to have a relationship with you .Your parents and siblings love you. They may not have handled your coming out that well, or like me, you may have simply assumed that they would no longer see you in the same light and consequently not love you the same.  Please give them a break.  Allow them to journey with you, give them the grace to become part of your life again.  Where you have an identity based on your beliefs, respect them for their identity based on their beliefs, their identity as Christians, and allow them to show you their love for you. Recognise that love does not require affirmation of behaviour and we can agree to disagree without falling into conflict.

I appreciate that it takes two willing parties to have a conversation, but would you give your family an opportunity to be part of that conversation, let them try to understand you and you try to understand them. My plea is particularly for those of you who have cut off your parents and have had no contact with them for weeks, months or even years.  Make contact, let them know you’re OK, take it slow, but start the conversation and see where it takes you.