A difficult response

This week I've been contacted by a Mum whose daughter is transitioning.  Her daughter sent her a picture that simple said:

"They all said the same thing about my Transition, be patient with your Mom."

The sad thing is, we are not seeing that patience from many of the children who are transitioning.  There is often a high demand on Christian parents to compromise their beliefs and affirm their child, with little or no room for anything other than 100% agreement with their choices.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  We live in a democratic society, we live in a world where we can still love each other without always agreeing on our choices, whether that be political, religious or lifestyle, there is a place at the table for everyone.

How should that Mum respond?

Here's my suggestion,

Thank you for sending this to me as it opens up an opportunity for us to have a conversation.  I know you are being patient with me, thank you.  Firstly, let’s get the important thing out on the table – I LOVE YOU, I love you as you are, you will always be my child, nothing has changed there.  You are clever, funny, caring and thoughtful (choose adjectives that really describe what you love about them).  When you chose to transition, none of those things changed and nor has my love for you.  I want to be in your life, in your future and I want you to know me as a “solid rock”, someone who never changes or wavers and who loves you unconditionally.

 I will always be here for you no matter what. That said, let’s also talk about how difficult this has been for all of us.  I feel that if I am not 100% affirming of your life you feel rejected – that is simply not true and that is damaging for both of us and the wider family. We can have differences (political, religious, social etc) without us being estranged from each other.  As much as you are asking me to respect your identity as Trans, I ask you to respect my identity as a Christian.  There is much to the Christian faith that speaks into me being true to my beliefs and as you are trying to be true to your beliefs I’m sure you can respect me in this.

I’m not telling you to affirm my Christian faith simply to respect it, and in the same way I respect your choice to transition but will not affirm it. What I want more than anything is to get to this place of understanding and love for each other and then to start moving on with our lives together.

Shall we chat further, is this a compromise we can work with?
Love etc etc

If you are struggling with these sorts of conversations or have a child in the LGBTQ+ life who you want to pray for, join Abba's Heart to meet like minded parents.