This week I've been contacted by a Mum whose daughter is transitioning. Her daughter sent her a picture that simple said:
"They all said the same thing about my Transition, be patient with your Mom."
The sad thing is, we are not seeing that patience from many of the children who are transitioning. There is often a high demand on Christian parents to compromise their beliefs and affirm their child, with little or no room for anything other than 100% agreement with their choices. But it doesn't have to be that way. We live in a democratic society, we live in a world where we can still love each other without always agreeing on our choices, whether that be political, religious or lifestyle, there is a place at the table for everyone.
How should that Mum respond?
Here's my suggestion,
Thank you for sending this to me as it opens up an opportunity for us to have a conversation. I know you are being patient with me, thank you. Firstly, let’s get the important thing out on the table – I LOVE YOU, I love you as you are, you will always be my child, nothing has changed there. You are clever, funny, caring and thoughtful (choose adjectives that really describe what you love about them). When you chose to transition, none of those things changed and nor has my love for you. I want to be in your life, in your future and I want you to know me as a “solid rock”, someone who never changes or wavers and who loves you unconditionally.
I will always be here for you no matter what. That said, let’s also talk about how difficult this has been for all of us. I feel that if I am not 100% affirming of your life you feel rejected – that is simply not true and that is damaging for both of us and the wider family. We can have differences (political, religious, social etc) without us being estranged from each other. As much as you are asking me to respect your identity as Trans, I ask you to respect my identity as a Christian. There is much to the Christian faith that speaks into me being true to my beliefs and as you are trying to be true to your beliefs I’m sure you can respect me in this.
I’m not telling you to affirm my Christian faith simply to respect it, and in the same way I respect your choice to transition but will not affirm it. What I want more than anything is to get to this place of understanding and love for each other and then to start moving on with our lives together.
Shall we chat further, is this a compromise we can work with?
Love etc etc
If you are struggling with these sorts of conversations or have a child in the LGBTQ+ life who you want to pray for, join Abba's Heart to meet like minded parents.
"They all said the same thing about my Transition, be patient with your Mom."
The sad thing is, we are not seeing that patience from many of the children who are transitioning. There is often a high demand on Christian parents to compromise their beliefs and affirm their child, with little or no room for anything other than 100% agreement with their choices. But it doesn't have to be that way. We live in a democratic society, we live in a world where we can still love each other without always agreeing on our choices, whether that be political, religious or lifestyle, there is a place at the table for everyone.
How should that Mum respond?
Here's my suggestion,
Thank you for sending this to me as it opens up an opportunity for us to have a conversation. I know you are being patient with me, thank you. Firstly, let’s get the important thing out on the table – I LOVE YOU, I love you as you are, you will always be my child, nothing has changed there. You are clever, funny, caring and thoughtful (choose adjectives that really describe what you love about them). When you chose to transition, none of those things changed and nor has my love for you. I want to be in your life, in your future and I want you to know me as a “solid rock”, someone who never changes or wavers and who loves you unconditionally.
I will always be here for you no matter what. That said, let’s also talk about how difficult this has been for all of us. I feel that if I am not 100% affirming of your life you feel rejected – that is simply not true and that is damaging for both of us and the wider family. We can have differences (political, religious, social etc) without us being estranged from each other. As much as you are asking me to respect your identity as Trans, I ask you to respect my identity as a Christian. There is much to the Christian faith that speaks into me being true to my beliefs and as you are trying to be true to your beliefs I’m sure you can respect me in this.
I’m not telling you to affirm my Christian faith simply to respect it, and in the same way I respect your choice to transition but will not affirm it. What I want more than anything is to get to this place of understanding and love for each other and then to start moving on with our lives together.
Shall we chat further, is this a compromise we can work with?
Love etc etc
If you are struggling with these sorts of conversations or have a child in the LGBTQ+ life who you want to pray for, join Abba's Heart to meet like minded parents.
Posted in Abbas Heart, LGBTQ, Teenagers
Posted in trans, bible study for parents, parenting in faith, christian parents
Posted in trans, bible study for parents, parenting in faith, christian parents
Recent
Archive
2024
February
2023
January
February
March
August
September
November
2022
September
October
November
Categories
Tags
1 Corinthians 6
24 hours of prayer
Baptism
Bible teaching
Christian art
Christian
Church
CofE
Daniel 4
Emily Sargent
Fitting in
Highest authority
Jesus is the way
John 8
LGBTQ+
LGBT
Leicester
New Creation
Progress Pride Flag
Pure Joy
Rev12 Project
SSA Christians
SSA Christian
SSA teenagers
SSA
TBGL
The Times
abbas heart
accountability
affirming church
bible study for parents
biblical sexual ethic
blessed
born gay
born this way
brotherlylove
build the wall
calling
celibate christian
children and pride
christian parents
christian response to Pride
christian teenagers
christian teen
church and same sex marriage
church and sexuality
church deceived
church leaders
church training
codependency
come out
coming out
conversations about sexuality
conversion therapy ban
conversion therapy
discipleship
emotional dependency
faith and sexuality
false teaching
find Jesus
former LGBTQ
former LGBTQ
freedom in christ
freedom of religion
gay affirming
gay celibate christian
gay children
gay christian
gay teenager
glory to glory
hell
homosexuality
hope shouts louder
humility
idolatry
inclusive church
indoctrination
intercessory prayer
jesus
joanne highley
john 1:2-4
john 3:16
justiceforchristians
labels
lgbtq prodigals
lgbtq
love is love
love your neighbour
matthew 5:11
ministry
new identity
once gay
overcoming sin
parenting in faith
parents of prodigals
pastoral care
peer support
persecution
powerofprayer
poweroftestimony
prayer wall
prayer
praying for LGBTQ
praying for our children
praying for prodigals
pride
prodigals
prodigal
progressive church
psalm 18
reflecting god
relative truth
responding to Pride
retreat
rev12project
rev12
roots of SSA
safe and welcoming church
same sex attraction
same sex marriage
same sex relationships
samesexfriendship
sex and relationships
sexual fluidity
sexual identity
sexual immorality
sexual sin
sexuality and faith questions
sexuality and faith
side a christian
side b christian
single friendly church
small group
smoke and mirrors
space to meet God
spacious place training
spacious place
spiritual armor
spiritual armour
spiritual warfare
such a time as this
such were some of you
teenager
temptation
testimony
thinking straight
transformation
transformed by gods love
transformed family
transformed international
transformed ministries
transformedbygodslove
transformedministries
transformed
transgender in church
transgender
trans
true freedom
truth
uncommon love bible study
uncommon love
welcome church
what did Jesus say
what is truth
why me
woman in adultery